I'll Keep A Part of You With Me,
by HeartlessLittleHamster
Summary: He was just part of a fling, a bleed-to-death-desire. He had to carry the consequences with him and deal with the pain. The pain of giving away the most beautiful thing that ever happened to him. DracoxHarry, hints of M-preg.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my second story and the first one for Harry Potter. I tried my best to get right grammar and stuff but please respect the mistakes I make because I'm not English or American or every other country were they speak English :D!

I use to much , - thingies.

I dictate this story to someone; I guess it's Bree-utiful. Because your chapters where Hannah gets less and less buddies each day, is just B-E-A-utiful! I think the baby girl in this story will become a Hufflepuff, just to annoy her father.

Enjoy :D

"Bust a Move!"

**I'll Keep A Part Of You With Me,**

Healing Of The Broken Plastic Heart

Little light was shown through the lace curtain in front of the large window in the small bedroom. It was too early for the thick grey curtains he hated, but too late to leave the window open. Somewhere in the dark blue twilight sky, the sun had left while a round pearl-like moon still hang as a protection for the stars. As a protection for his little girl.

The slender young man, more bone than skin, sat up in the large bed in the middle of the room. He was alone with her, his mother had left. Only because he cried she had to go, he made her leave. His father never showed his face, hadn't done it for a half year.

Tears were shown in his dull eyes; even the most beautiful girl he had ever seen couldn't remove the pain he had been feeling for so long. She looked just too much like _him_.

His mother had cried too. Cried because his father wasn't there to see their first grandchild. She cried because she was happy, proud. She cried because her son named his daughter after her. She never cried because her granddaughter looked like the man she never accepted into her son's life. The blonde cried because of the latter.

His daughter's small head against his chest, sleeping with her eyes closed. Like an angel, so perfect she was.

The man prayed she would open her eyes, so he could believe she looked even the littlest bit like him. But she was finally asleep; he could not find it in his heart to wake her up. His angel.

He stroke her face with his thumb, wrapping the grey blanket tighter around her, trying not to wake her up. He needed to be in complete silence, but still not alone. He had been too long without the person he loved from the bottom of his – now broken - heart, that feeling of loneliness he never wanted to experience again. But there wasn't much he could do.

He tried to stand up from the bed to lay her in her crib, so he could get some sleep too, but the scars from the war made it hard. They caused too much pain. But that pain wasn't the same compared to the pain his heart. The pain of failure, misery and the simple pain a broken heart.

Failure. The thing he had been haunted by for his whole school career. He had to live up to the expectations from the people around him.

Misery. The look in his father's eyes when he was told that he would be a grandparent, but not in the way he expected, was just the tip of the iceberg.

A broken heart. From the first night he suffered from it, when he found out he was just a bleed-to-death desire. Even now, with new life in his arms, the painful wound still stung. He could only pray it eventually would fade away, with all the memories attached to it.

Once more he stroke the small black hairs on her head, they were so familiar. She looked so like her other father, it was hard to believe she was only three hours old.

Her skin was pale, not reddish like a newborn's should be. Her hairs were dry, while his were wet from the sweat. Her cheeks were red and warm, his were cold and the same as the rest of his skin; sallow. He wasn't feeling well, an upcoming fever due to the stress and insomnia.

He stared out the window, catching a glimpse of owls, circling around the tower of his manor. His mother had probably contacted all the people who knew about him being pregnant and hoped it would be a good delivery without any complications. Maybe she contacted his father.

He hoped she didn't. His father walked out on them because of this situation, so he wouldn't be a part of it. Too bad for him.

Before he realised it, tears ran over his cold cheeks. He had been abandoned by his father - his living role model – and his loved one. His mother was the only support he still had. But even the love his mother gave him couldn't remove the pain. He didn't need motherly love and support, he needed the feeling he was loved by someone else besides his parents. That he could do raise a baby on his own. The thing he doubted the most.

His daughter needed a family; he would never suit as the perfect family. He hadn't a real family for the past half year. He only had his mother, she only had him. His daughter needed a mother, a father, brothers and sister, grandparents, godparents and friends. All the things he couldn't give her, he couldn't even be a decent father for her.

From the moment he found out he was pregnant, he knew he couldn't be a father. He never had a good example; his was always busy working for the ministry.

His angel like daughter wouldn't grow up with a parent who was always busy. No, she deserved a father who was always there for her. But from his condition and feeling at the moment, he knew he couldn't be as the super parent she deserved.

The man managed to get up from the bed, with his daughter still close in his arms. Slowly he walked towards her crib next to the window. It was time to close the windows, so the both of them could drift off to a peaceful sleep.

He laid his daughter in her crib, letting his lips touch her forehead and her hairs. His hand felt the fabric of the curtains and he hid himself from the world around the house by closing them. When he turned around to let himself collapse on the bed, his grey eyes fell on the letter on the ground in the corner of the room. It was the remaining of _his_ letter.

He picked up the valueless piece of paper from the wooden floor. He stared at it. He stared at the first sentence; he could not tear away just like the signature and his own name. A part of him stopped him from throwing it away. Probably waiting for revenge, one of the good things in human nature. In the vague moonlight the goodbye letter was even sadder.

'_I did love you in a certain way. But not in the way you loved me. You thought I was the one, while you were nothing more to me than a fling. Now I realise what a fool I was, toying with your heart while I only stayed for the desire to be someone else._

_I saw it in your eyes, that you loved me the way I loved my wife. In the way everybody should be loved. In the way you should be loved, by someone else than me.'_

He could still read it, even in the darkness. It was like the words were printed into his memory. Even though they're meant to reveal the bitter through and hurt him, they made him love the writer even more. What the blonde hurt too much inside.

Everything hurt right now. The pain from the delivery, the pain from his absence father but the pain from his broken heart was the pain that hurts the most and it would never go away.

The fact that it wasn't normal for man to give birth, was one of the things that helped him made the decision of giving her away to the other person responsible for her existence. Harry Potter.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks those who reviewed my story, who faved my story and did that alert thingy. You really make me smile.

Sorry it took a while, I pretty much worked for the first time in my life. As so, I got fired for the first time in my life ad. I feel really bad about this D=.

I'm going on a trip next Sunday to France. So now internet for me.

Please forgive me by; R&R?

Enjoy :D

"_Bust a Move!"_

**I'll Keep A Part Of You With Me,**** 2**

A New Star Next To The Moon

"As your bright and tiny spark,  
Lights the traveller in the dark,  
Though I know not what you are,  
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,  
How I wonder what you are."

The baby mobile played the melody of the lullaby, softer and softer until it stopped. The bears hanging on the mobile stopped spinning and dancing, it was time for the little baby to sleep.

Her father sang the last words of the lullaby, stroking her black hair and pink cheeks. Loving her more and more.

Harry lowered his head supported by the headboard of the crib. His green eyes still focused on her sleeping face. Humming the lullaby again, he tucked her in. He kissed her forehead and wound up the mobile. Melody filled the small pink bedroom. Hearing footsteps in the hallway, Harry looked up. His dreamy eyes met the hard ones from his wife, who stopped in the doorway. Cho didn't look at the baby in the crib, she only looked at Harry. Her glance was somewhat angry, disgusting yet blank. She was angry with Harry, she felt disgust for the baby in the crib and she blamed the latter for the ruining of her –now- fragile marriage.

"Are you coming down? You promised Edmund you'd read him a bedtime story." Before Harry could nod, Cho was already gone from the doorway.

'_How much I wouldn't give to keep our daughter in my arms, without feeling an intense pain. I love her Harry, an indescribable feeling rushed through my body when I first saw her. I felt love at first sight, much what I felt for you.'_

The words from _his _letter filled his mind when he looked at her face again. He saw himself, in a female version. A female James and Harry Potter, while he had the eyes of his mother, she had the ones from her 'other' dad. Her eyes were pure grey. If Draco had seen them, Harry would never know about his daughter. She would've stayed with her other dad.

Harry bent forward and picked a plush bear up from the ground. It was a gift from Hermione and Lee Jordan. She was so excited when she heard the news; she immediately came over with the first gift for her best friends' daughter. He placed it at the feet end of the bed and walked towards the doorway where Cho just stood a minute ago. A single glance filled with love on her angel-like-face, before Harry closed the door behind him.

"Goodnight Cissy Lilian. Sweet dreams." He whispered softly. But it wasn't heard by anyone besides himself; the lullaby continued to play and Cissy was fast asleep.

'_She is my only child; my parents first grandchild. My mother loved her immediately. Just like I did. Your parents died when you were young, marking you for life. I don't want her to have that same fate. Please take care of her, love her more than you love your wife.__ More than I loved you.'_

The words rushed through his mind again. It was the final line of the letter Draco gave him, on the same day Cissy was brought to him. The same way Harry was brought to his uncle and aunt; on his doorstep.

He had many similarities with his daughter; the same appearance, both abandoned on a doorstep, loved by their parents, hated by a family member. But there was one thing she wouldn't have what he had; A horrible youth. Cissy would be loved, by everyone who was a part of her life. It was her father's wish.

Harry had been obsessed with Draco, ever since he learned about the existence of his daughter. After their separation, more than 9 months ago, he thought of him once in a while; when he was alone. He doubted if he had made the right decision. Harry still does.

But now, knowing how much pain he caused Draco by leaving him and being honest, Harry tried to find a way to make up for all the pain he caused the blonde. He couldn't make Draco feel better, easy his pain or love him, but he could grant this one wish.

Harry would be the super parent Cissy deserved, while Draco stood in the shadows. It was Draco's decision, his plead, but Harry felt more than sorry for his ex lover.

The photos on the wall made Harry stop when his glance fell on the smiling moving people behind the glass. Harry felt an emptiness seeing the young children playing on the photo. Edmund, Sara and Elisabeth. They had lost their real father and the found a worse new one. His glance stole over their faces, like the morning sun does over the houses in their street, searching for similarities with Cedric.

Edmund was the oldest and had the most difficulties to accept Harry as his stepfather and new dad. He was protective, the man in the house. But Edmund accepted Harry eventually, admired him because he was such a great man, a great Quidditchplayer. Still they have some tension.

Sara was so different than her brother, maybe because she inhered more of Cedric than her older brother did. She was kind, polite and a real big sister for the youngest of the Diggory –now Potter- family Elisabeth. Sara had less memories of Cedric, so she didn't saw Harry as a replacement but a different shade of life. Harry was glad for that, he didn't want arguments with another child and member of the ex Diggory-family.

Elisabeth was an exception. She had no memories of her real father and thought of Harry as if he really was her father. He liked Elisabeth the most, because she reminded him about the picture he imagined about a daughter when he just turned twenty. The picture hung in his mind all the time when he was with Cissy. When he hugged her and kissed her, he thanked Merlin for his daughter's presence.

Elisabeth was the one who helped him to become a good parent. That why before he entered Edmund's room next to the stairs kissed her spot on the picture and whispered "Thanks".

"Harry. Who's Cissy for real?" Edmund asked even before Harry sat on his castle shaped chair next to his desk in front of his bed. Harry wasn't surprised Edmund asked the question, he had been asking the same question for days. Frankly, ever since Cissy was here and his mum started acting hatefully towards Harry and his daughter.

"For the last time Edmund; Cissy is my real daughter who lives with us now. Did your mum want you to ask this for the millionth time?" Edmund avoided the question about his mother and stared back with his brown eyes into the green ones of his step father. "Why did we never met her mother and why is mum so distant to you ever since this baby came?"

"Cissy had no mother and never needed one; she's here with us now. And about your mum, I don't know why she acts to me this way. But don't worry; she's just unprepared for this. Without Cedric having to raise 3 children and a baby. You're mum is not Superwoman Edmund, but she's a wonderful wife."

Harry didn't know why he talked about Cho this way. He should be mad at her, like she was mad at him. She didn't accept Cissy into her life –but he couldn't blame her, something he wanted the most right now. But he still loved Cho, he loved her children now. He just needed some distant to oversee things, to forget everything. Finding comfort, peace with somebody else. That's how this whole thing started; He wasn't ready to become a father of three children, but now with his own child laying in a room under this roof, Harry thought he could take on the whole world.

He had to; just to make sure his daughter received the love she deserved –because she was the newest star next to the moon.


End file.
